I've always been reflective, introspective. I've always handled life seriously. I've made plans, set goals, focused on people. Case in point - I've saved my typed (you remember a typewriter, don't you? If not - this blog might not be for you) list of focuses I put together in late 1985. When I put together my 40th birthday albums - these got their own special page. I knew they'd come in handy someday when I was blogging about what a mess I am.
Ah, the wisdom of youth. I was all of 24 at the time. The love of my life (or so I thought) had gone and married another, and second fiddle was playing the field. I was all alone. It was me and my 14 focuses. I had to be a busy gal. I remember sitting in my apartment - a walk-out basement with a loft bed built into the stairs going to the upstairs house (I was a "downstairs" kind of gal before Downton Abbey) - cuddled in with my trusty stuffed animals (no judgement and YES I still have them) - and my quilt from my Grandma Schneider (YES I still have it) - and my NIV Study Bible so marked with all colors of ink because I studied intensely then (YES I still have and LOVE that Bible) - and I really thought about my life without LOML or 2ndFiddle. Who was I? Who did I want to be? What was I investing my time in?
Well, dog gone it, I was someone with girl friends if I didn't have a boyfriend. So there - take THAT!
Oh that list. Full of girls that I attended church with, worked with, high school friends (remember I was 24 - they had all long moved on but I tried to keep "my high school peeps" together), and a few family in there. (SEE SIDE NOTE - where are they today).
Point is - I've ALWAYS, ALWAYS been the one to try to keep "my people", my GIRL people together. It's exhausting and it feels lonely. Really, it feels like - so I matter to you, or do you just matter to me? Let's be real. That's what it is.
So, with a combination of "do I matter to you?" and "my family matters most to me", I head audaciously into 2014 - putting my family first - just as focus #4 & #5 way back in the day noted - "enjoy time by myself" and "plan to be with family more".
And, I'll throw in a little of #8 and #9, too "stay at 130 or less" (with perhaps a slightly increased goal) and "take vitamins and exercise".
It's funny how time goes on and some things never change. Dear Lord, help me change.
SIDE NOTE:
Kim Sanetznik: College Roommate - forever friend - my "sister from another mother"
Danita and Judith Jennings: friends from youth group (mother/daughter) - live close - rarely see - but we'll be there for each other when needed.
Lee Ellen Augustine: my second forever friend - love her dearly
Lynn Evans: Sister - she's always there for me
Lydia Schneider: Sister-in-law - "it's complicated"
Sherri Fackler: friend from youth group; we both married guys from the same Christian dating service; and, as a matter of fact, she's here cleaning my house now. Love her dearly.
All the others were work, church, or high school friends. The friendships fizzled out when I moved to Indiana in October 1987.
No comments:
Post a Comment