It all started with a word....audacious

Each year I chose my "one word". Well, actually usually my word lasts two or even three years. I want to feel I've done it justice.  For the past three years my one word has been "wait".  

Waiting for the Lord. Waiting to speak. Waiting to act. Waiting to commit.

Something in me said move on.  Not that I'd conquered it, but I'd waited long enough.

Audacious became my 2014 word.  I wanted to live fearless, bold, strong, unencumbered by fear of failure, but thoughts of others. That much I knew for certain.  I'd been impacted by so much in 2013 -- like never before. Jen Hatmaker, Rocky Bratt, Katy Davis rocked my world.  Reading Half the Sky about the atrocity of women around the world. Studying James with Beth Moore.  I knew I needed to do more, be more, live more.

Only 21 days in and what I thought the word was going to mean for me has completely turned my world upside down. It hasn't been fun, but it's gotten me here - thank you Jesus.  I didn't realize I'd become so dependent upon others.... in a not-good way.  Audacious has become about loosing myself from others and connecting myself intimately with those who matter most to me:  My God, my husband, my kids, my immediate family and a very small circle of forever friends.  

Never in a million billion years did I envision this as my audacious journey. I envisioned moving to India and taking care of orphaned AIDS children (aka, Rocky Bratt in Blood Brother), or moving to Africa and adopting all the abandoned girls I could find (aka, Katie Davis in Kisses from Katie), or moving to an inner-city and adopting neighbors into fellowship and introducing them to Christ (aka, Jen Hatmaker and many other church planters), or working with others to figure out how to feed the hungry in Johnson County - or any number of other worthy causes.  

Surprise!  All He really wants me to do right now is to develop anew a deepened intimacy.  For me, that's audacious. That's living here. That's living deep. That's new and fresh and audacious because it's SO RISKY to be present and vulnerable and connected and intimate.  

"Actual life is where it is at. I’ve decided. I love the same people in my face every single week. I crave deep roots, longevity with people, home. I love to live in my real life, with my real neighbors and real friends and real church. These are my people. This is my place." Jen Hatmaker

I miss these things not because I travel constantly, but because I make choices that remove me from intimate moments with my real life. I fill my life with other stuff to avoid the deep stuff sometimes. I don't want to do that any longer.  That's the simple stuff for you, and the audacious for me.  



Tonight Z found me and asked if I'd help put the clean sheets on his bed.  "Of course. There is nothing better than sleeping in a bed with clean, fresh sheets" I said.  With wisdom beyond his 18 years, "Oh yes, one thing is better.... having been away on a long trip, and crawling into your own bed with clean, fresh sheets."  [preach!]

I feel like I've hidden from intimacy for far too long. It's been a long trip. I'm heading home. I'm climbing into a bed with fresh sheets. It's going to be wonderful.